Tag Archives: Krampus

Writing Wins and Woes: Krampus

Two Christmases ago, I entered a contest at Enchanted Conversation that was held in celebration of a new book they had coming out filled to the brim with Krampus stories. Well, I’m excited to announce that Enchanted Conversation  now has a new book out chock full of brand new Krampus stories, just in time for the holidays. What’s Krampus, you ask? Some people are still unaware, despite last year’s poor grossing movie, that there is a Christmas character named Krampus, who is the polar opposite of Santa Claus. In fact, he deals directly with Santa’s naughty list. He is a very evil character who looks a bit demonic who is known for capturing and whipping all the bad children at Christmas time. So you better watch out! Don’t worry. It’s all in fun. Snag your copy of Krampus stories by following the link I included in my blog just above. And if you click on the above link for Enchanted Conversation, you can enter to win a free copy of the book. Bonus! Score!

In honor of the whole Christmas Krampus thing, I am posting the story I wrote for the 2014 contest, “Interviewing Krampus”. It wasn’t a winner, but remains one of my favorite humorous stories that I have written. Read on and be good.

Interviewing Krampus

Santa lifted his foot with the gouty toe up onto the chair next to him and groaned. He shifted his weight carefully so as to ease the pain. He fiddled with his spectacles and examined the resume. He cleared his throat.

“Of course you realize this job requires quite a lot of deliveries on one night.”

Krampus nodded. His horns clacked together when he bobbed his head. “Yes, yes. I’ve been doing the same routine myself for years. So many nasty children around.”

Santa frowned. “I have a list. There are actually quite a lot of children on the nice list.”

Krampus laughed. He lifted his wine glass to his nose and savored the aroma. Then he drank. “Yeah, I’ll bet those parents paid a pretty penny to get the names of their bratty kids transferred. Not that you’re at fault here, Red, but some of your elves…well, you know what I’m saying.”

Santa took a bite of his Seafood Alfredo. “My elves have always come with the highest of recommendations.”

“Of course they have. Mommies always give their kids high fives, don’t they? And Santa, confidentially, you’ve always been known as an old softie. I think a pair of fresh eyes on that list might be prudent.” Krampus took another gulp of wine and sighed. “This is darn good stuff. All mine comes in a box. Better yet a keg.”

Santa grimaced as he shifted his foot. “The doctor says if I could stay off the rich food, but oh well…What do you have in mind for these children?”

Krampus stroked his chin. “It’s true I beat their butts, but not that hard. No child has ever needed medical intervention. I use softwood, Santa, not hardwood. Sure, they cry out but kids are all about drama. Ask anybody.”

Santa’s toe throbbed. “It’s the stress of the Christmas season. I try to be fair but there are always complaints. We do have a toy shop, you know. The kids expect toys.”

“I’ll throw in some toys. But you don’t really believe kids are all nice, do you? No kid’s 100% nice. Not even 50% nice. If you want fair, give them all a beating, and a consolation prize. That’s what I say.” He took another swig of wine.

“That stuff about you stuffing kids in a sack, that’s not true, is it?” Santa winced.

“What would I want with a sack full of kids? Kids are loud, obnoxious and annoying. A bunch of kids all bawling for their moms? No sir, I got no need for a sack of rotten kids. Beat and run. That’s what I do. Beat and run.”

Santa cleared his throat. “But you’ll deliver the gifts, right? I want to be clear on that.”

Krampus raised a hand. “Waiter! More wine. Yeah, I’ll deliver the goods.”

“No drinking and driving, Krampus.”

“Really? And you’re telling me that red nose and rosy cheeks came from the cold, huh? And what about Rudolf? I’m sure he’s got a snoot full. Whatever! I’ll try to keep it under the legal limit. I’m pretty sure those reindeer drive themselves. Am I hired or what?”

“You’re hired. Now, where’s that dessert menu?”

Writing Wins and Woes: Krampus

1272In honor of the Krampus movie being in theaters right now, and I have to add, I’m looking forward to seeing it, I am including my Krampus story in this edition of my blog. I tried for a contest in Enchanted Conversation with this humorous story and didn’t win some time ago, but I really liked my story and it seems a fun way to share some holiday stuff, which I hope to do all December of my blog. Let’s lighten us a bit!

Interviewing Krampus  By Shari L Klase

Santa lifted his foot with the gouty toe up onto the chair next to him and groaned. He shifted his weight carefully so as to ease the pain. He fiddled with his spectacles and examined the resume. He cleared his throat.
“Of course you realize this job requires quite a lot of deliveries on one night.”
Krampus nodded. His horns clacked together when he bobbed his head. “Yes, yes. I’ve been doing the same routine myself for years. So many nasty children around.”
Santa frowned. “I have a list. There are actually quite a lot of children on the nice list.”
Krampus laughed. He lifted his wine glass to his nose and savored the aroma. Then he drank. “Yeah, I’ll bet those parents paid a pretty penny to get the names of their bratty kids transferred. Not that you’re at fault here, Red, but some of your elves…well, you know what I’m saying.”
Santa took a bite of his Seafood Alfredo. “My elves have always come with the highest of recommendations.”
“Of course they have. Mommies always give their kids high fives, don’t they? And Santa, confidentially, you’ve always been known as an old softie. I think a pair of fresh eyes on that list might be prudent.” Krampus took another gulp of wine and sighed. “This is darn good stuff. All mine comes in a box. Better yet a keg.”
Santa grimaced as he shifted his foot. “The doctor says if I could stay off the rich food, but oh well…What do you have in mind for these children?”
Krampus stroked his chin. “It’s true I beat their butts, but not that hard. No child has ever needed medical intervention. I use softwood, Santa, not hardwood. Sure, they cry out but kids are all about drama. Ask anybody.”
Santa’s toe throbbed. “It’s the stress of the Christmas season. I try to be fair but there are always complaints. We do have a toy shop, you know. The kids expect toys.”
“I’ll throw in some toys. But you don’t really believe kids are all nice, do you? No kid’s 100% nice. Not even 50% nice. If you want fair, give them all a beating, and a consolation prize. That’s what I say.” He took another swig of wine.
“That stuff about you stuffing kids in a sack, that’s not true, is it?” Santa winced.
“What would I want with a sack full of kids? Kids are loud, obnoxious and annoying. A bunch of kids all bawling for their moms? No sir, I got no need for a sack of rotten kids. Beat and run. That’s what I do. Beat and run.”
Santa cleared his throat. “But you’ll deliver the gifts, right? I want to be clear on that.”
Krampus raised a hand. “Waiter! More wine. Yeah, I’ll deliver the goods.”
“No drinking and driving, Krampus.”
“Really? And you’re telling me that red nose and rosy cheeks came from the cold, huh? And what about Rudolf? I’m sure he’s got a snoot full. “Whatever! I’ll try to keep it under the legal limit. I’m pretty sure those reindeer drive themselves. Am I hired or what?”
“You’re hired. Now, where’s that dessert menu?”

Have lots of fun this holiday season!

 

Writing Wins and Woes: Winning story and my story

1019
Even though it’s not Friday, I realized that I didn’t reveal the winning story of Enchanted Conversation’s flash contest. The theme was a dinner with Santa and Krampus. Here is the link to the winning story.
http://www.fairytalemagazine.com/2014/12/come-winter-by-ace-g-pilkington-flash.html

Even though mine wasn’t the winning pick, I enjoyed writing a story for this contest. Because all entries were included in the comment section of the blog, I thought I’d include my story in my blog as a farewell to Christmas issue. Here it is. Hope you enjoy it.

Interviewing Krampus (533 words)
Santa lifted his foot with the gouty toe up onto the chair next to him and groaned. He shifted his weight carefully so as to ease the pain. He fiddled with his spectacles and examined the resume. He cleared his throat.
“Of course you realize this job requires quite a lot of deliveries on one night.”
Krampus nodded. His horns clacked together when he bobbed his head. “Yes, yes. I’ve been doing the same routine myself for years. So many nasty children around.”
Santa frowned. “I have a list. There are actually quite a lot of children on the nice list.”
Krampus laughed. He lifted his wine glass to his nose and savored the aroma. Then he drank. “Yeah, I’ll bet those parents paid a pretty penny to get the names of their bratty kids transferred. Not that you’re at fault here, Red, but some of your elves…well, you know what I’m saying.”
Santa took a bite of his Seafood Alfredo. “My elves have always come with the highest of recommendations.”
“Of course they have. Mommies always give their kids high fives, don’t they? And Santa, confidentially, you’ve always been known as an old softie. I think a pair of fresh eyes on that list might be prudent.” Krampus took another gulp of wine and sighed. “This is darn good stuff. All mine comes in a box. Better yet a keg.”
Santa grimaced as he shifted his foot. “The doctor says if I could stay off the rich food, but oh well…What do you have in mind for these children?”
Krampus stroked his chin. “It’s true I beat their butts, but not that hard. No child has ever needed medical intervention. I use softwood, Santa, not hardwood. Sure, they cry out but kids are all about drama. Ask anybody.”
Santa’s toe throbbed. “It’s the stress of the Christmas season. I try to be fair but there are always complaints. We do have a toy shop, you know. The kids expect toys.”
“I’ll throw in some toys. But you don’t really believe kids are all nice, do you? No kid’s 100% nice. Not even 50% nice. If you want fair, give them all a beating, and a consolation prize. That’s what I say.” He took another swig of wine.
“That stuff about you stuffing kids in a sack, that’s not true, is it?” Santa winced.
“What would I want with a sack full of kids? Kids are loud, obnoxious and annoying. A bunch of kids all bawling for their moms? No sir, I got no need for a sack of rotten kids. Beat and run. That’s what I do. Beat and run.”
Santa cleared his throat. “But you’ll deliver the gifts, right? I want to be clear on that.”
Krampus raised a hand. “Waiter! More wine. Yeah, I’ll deliver the goods.”
“No drinking and driving, Krampus.”
“Really? And you’re telling me that red nose and rosy cheeks came from the cold, huh? And what about Rudolf? I’m sure he’s got a snoot full. Whatever! I’ll try to keep it under the legal limit. I’m pretty sure those reindeer drive themselves. Am I hired or what?”
“You’re hired. Now, where’s that dessert menu?”

Hope your Christmas was great and have a very fulfilling New Year!By the way, the painting is by my very talented husband.

Writing Wins and Woes: Merry Christmas

Christmas 2014 011

This is just a brief post to wish everyone a merry Christmas. If you didn’t catch my reblog the other day, please check it out. It’s all about Twice Upon a Time, a fairy tale anthology I am included in. I’m very happy my story which is a retelling of a little known fairy tale, The Enchanted Canary, is in it. I will include a blog post about the book myself in the near future.

I hope everyone is enjoying this holiday season. Christmas can be a wonderful time of the year for inspiration if you are a writer. I enjoyed writing my Krampus and Santa story for this year’s Enchanted Conversation Flash Fiction Contest. If you’d like to read my story or any of the others for the contest, they are already posted in the comments of the website under the contest rules and such. I’ll let you know who wins. Here is the link again for the contest, so you can enter(you still have until tomorrow) or read the stories.
http://www.fairytalemagazine.com/2014/12/krampus-and-santa-flash-writing-contest.html There are stories and poems included. So check it out.

So…Merry Christmas again to the readers of my blog. I’m so thankful there are a few of you out there. And Keep writing.