Tag Archives: changes

Writing Wins and Woes: Role Playing

I’ve been struggling with my roles lately. I’m not sure what my function is now that I no longer have kids at home. On the one hand, I am still me. I’m still a mom. I’m also a wife and a grandmother. I’m an employee and when I’m at work, I don’t really think of myself in terms of being a wife and mother. I’m just a worker. Lately,  I feel more comfortable at work than anywhere. It’s not because I love my job. It’s because I know exactly what my place is at my job. When I am working, I know exactly what to do and when to do it.

But when I’m not working, I’m not sure what my true purpose is. I’m not satisfied with the few menial tasks I do at home. My writing has somehow fizzled out. I’m not sure why. Some of it has to do with the avenues I once wrote for have dwindled. Some of the publishing places have closed. Guardian Angel Kids has gone from a monthly ezine to a bi-montly ezine. I’m at a loss to know how to proceed with my book and all of the remaining publishers I formerly looked to just don’t interest me anymore. Most of the time I’m just too tired to write anyway.

So, what am I now? Am I still a writer when I’m not really writing? Am I still a parent when I’m not really parenting most of the time? I’ve begun to realize that I identified myself by these things I did, and now that I no longer do them, I don’t feel like I’m much of a person anymore. I feel like I’m nothing. A Hollow. A Shell.

When I was young, I used to feel as if I was invisible. I would go to school and few people would ever talk to me. I would hear other kids talking around me and even sharing their innermost secrets right around me without even noticing I was there. To them, I wasn’t there. I was a nobody that didn’t factor into their lives. At work this week, I remarked that when people were absent, they were talked about more and I said I realized they probably talked about me when I wasn’t there and my co-worker said, no you’re pretty boring. We don’t really talk about you.

So maybe I’m still invisible. I guess I can be thankful I matter to God. I may not be sure of who I am right now here on this planet, but I am sure I’m a child of God. So for now I’ll focus on finding Him. When I find Him, maybe I’ll find myself, too.


Writing Wins and Woes: Changes

dunkin at door

I hate changes. Doesn’t everybody? Summer turns into fall, which turns into winter. I hate that. My dog dies. I hate that. My financial security meets a snag. I hate that. No, my dog didn’t die, and my financial security is always meeting snags. Hey, I’m a writer, but some changes are good. We all know that. After winter, comes spring. Now I find myself liking change. I sold a story. I love change. I got a new puppy. (I didn’t, by the way) What a great change! Unless, of course, he chews up my rugs, furniture and half my house. Yes, that did happen to me.

All writers evolve. They have to. I took a walk down memory lane, and looked at my submissions process. When I first started this painful process, I was submitting mostly to Christian magazines, children’s ezines and some high name places. I never got into any of those high name places, so I hardly ever submit to them anymore. I changed, didn’t I? I submitted to Pockets magazine every month for about two years. I quit doing that. Why? I didn’t once have a story accepted. I was putting in postage, paper, printing ink and envelopes and getting zero back. I changed. I started submitting only online. It saved me money.

Guess what? These changes seemed to work. In the four years I’ve been submitting stories/articles my writing income has increased. Last year I earned four hundred dollars more than the previous year. Yay! Hold your horses. I am far from a success story. I haven’t yet had one lousy book published, unless you count stories in anthologies. Not even one good book published. So I changed again.

I wonder if I’m doing right. I’m concentrating on getting a book published this year. If I made more money last year, shouldn’t I stay the course? It depends. Is my goal making money or getting a book published? These are all things writers need to think about.