The east coast of the U.S. has just been through a snowstorm. It was long, brutal and relentless. It dumped about three feet of snow in much of the area where I live. Some people lost their lives battling it. It bruised me as well. There is virtually no part of my body not aching after spending three full time days shoveling, snow blowing and scraping ice from the sidewalks of the school where I work. I told one of my co-workers that one of my legs doesn’t work anymore. I hobbled home that night. After two days of rest, I finally can walk without a limp, but it still hurts.
I’ve also been through a snow storm of the soul. The light had gone out of my world in a blinding blizzard. It also was long, brutal and relentless. I didn’t know I could hurt so much. I remember listening to a Patsy Kline song, “I love you so much it hurts me” and thinking to myself, I finally know what that song means. After six months of incredible, agonizing pain, I finally can walk without a limp, but it still hurts.
What’s gotten me through this time? God. That’s all I can say. God wrapped his arms around me and let me cry. I still cry. He stripped away all that was false in my life and brought some true comforting friends. When others failed me, he sent angels to hold me up. I recently told somebody that I lost my purpose for living. Well, I don’t know if I’ve totally recovered that purpose, but bit by bit, God is giving me new purposes.
So, I continue my writing quest. I don’t know what this year may hold. It may hold a few more snowstorms, real ones or ones of the soul. I may be brought to my knees again and again. That’s not always a bad thing. I’ve found that when I’ve been broken, there is no way for me to put the pieces back together. Only God can do that. I just have to be the willing vessel.